Congratulations, Emily!

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Writer’s Note – I’ll continue to update my blog on a periodic basis.  No set schedule.  So, I want to thank everyone who continues to stop by and check out my blog. Please leave a comment or message; I’d love to hear from you.

May 20, 2016 – My daughter, Emily, graduated yesterday from the University of Maryland, which is located in College Park. Emily graduated with two (2) degrees and a multitude of honors.  To say that we’re proud of her would be an understatement.  She is a wonderful young woman, full of potential, with her entire adult life ahead of her.

A beautiful young woman.

It’s the thought of having an adult life that has Emily both worried and scared about her future. It’s normal to be apprehensive during the transition from college to the real world.  Emily’s not sure what she wants to do, and we (her mom and I) knew this well before her graduation.  In fact, we spent most of last summer (2015) telling her that it was okay to not have a plan for after graduation.  We told her as long as she found some kind of employment, she was welcome to move back home.  Our daughter has spent the last 16 years being on a schedule…an agenda of almost non-stop education. So, it’s time to take a break…better yet, take a breath.

Emily will likely be home with us for awhile,  which we’re looking forward to and wondering how much adjustment there will be around the house.  Vicki and I have been living as empty-nesters for about two years.  All of these changes should be interesting.

Emily and Granpa.

Oh, did I mention that it’s my birthday today? Yes, a wonderful birthday present!  A chance for my family and me to be together for two special occasions in one week.  In addition, my dad was in College Park for Emily’s graduation.  A special time indeed!

Thanks, as always, for listening.

April Showers….

A tiny visitor.

Unfortunately, my retirement was short-lived.  After about six weeks, I was back helping out my former bosses and beginning to work almost full time for a few weeks until a new replacement could be found.  Perhaps this time around, I’ll be able to focus on finding someone who will move my former position forward and reliably do the job.

Gardening has become my refuge – as it has for the past three years – from all of this turmoil. Planting flowers and pruning my existing plants calms me and gives me a tangible feeling of accomplishment.  Flowers are a thing of beauty.  Their natural perfection and color are awesome.  Made by nature, not man.  Yet, I have some control and some authority over my flowers and plants.  I can decide where they go, how much sun they’ll receive, and how big or small they will become.

Natural perfection!

It’s this feeling of control – or lack of control – that has me so frustrated and angry right now.  I don’t want to be at my old job.  I don’t want all of those headaches and problems any longer.  I don’t want to decide how to “handle things” or make decisions about someone’s future.  That is why I left the “work world” in mid-January…to get away from the daily grind and bullshit.

So gardening is my therapy – my way to get back some of that lost control and focus. The plants and their respective flower beds are my sanctuary against the man-made noise of work.  I know my time in the “work world” will end soon, but I’m so frustrated. Thank God – in more ways than one – for my plants!

Gorgeous and serene. Writer’s Note – I’ll continue to update my blog on a periodic basis.  No set schedule.  So, I want to thank everyone who continues to stop by and check out my blog. Please leave a comment or message; I’d love to hear from you. Note:  If you want to leave a comment, just choose “Anonymous” from the Profile Selection drop down bar right below the Comment box. (It’s the very last choice.)  Sorry for any confusion. Also, please make sure you leave your name or sign-in somewhere in your comment.  Thanks.

Purple Reign

Note:  If you want to leave a comment, just choose “Anonymous” from the Profile Selection drop down bar right below the Comment box. (It’s the very last choice.)  Sorry for any confusion.

Writer’s Note – I’ll continue to update my blog on a periodic basis.  No set schedule.  So, I want to thank everyone who continues to stop by and check out my blog. Please leave a comment or message; I’d love to hear from you.

April 22, 2016 – Prince (Prince Rogers Nelson) died yesterday at his home in Minnesota.  To borrow some lyrics from Neil Young:

Young, of course, was talking about the excesses of celebrity and hubris.  Unfortunately, those traits applied to Prince as well.  For that matter, they apply to many celebrities.  Don’t get me wrong – I loved Prince’s music.  He was an incredible artist and musician – especially as a guitarist.  As a performer, he was incredible.  But I just don’t get why people with so much talent, with so much ability, and with so much energy continue to crash and burn.  It’s sad, really sad.

As people worldwide mourn Prince’s death, I think again-and-again about how our lives on this planet seem so humdrum, so compressed, and so minuscule.  There is so much to live for and so much to accomplish in a relatively brief blip of time. Why can’t people realize there’s something precious about their existence?  Why can’t people enjoy the time that has been given to them?

I’m not much better than most folks in that regard.  I still gripe about the weather, the traffic, the neighbors, etc.  But I have begun to realize that I want to make my time on Earth count for something.  I want to finally do some things that I’ve always wanted to do: travel more, explore Memphis, write fiction, play my guitar, volunteer for causes that I care about.  Getting to these things, however, is more difficult than it seems.  Life always seems to get in the way.  I think everyone wants to do what they love, but we never can seem to find the time.

Maybe Prince captured the essence of life and time – and perhaps an omen of his own death – in these lyrics from Sign O’ The Times:

Thanks, as always, for listening.

Let’s Go Crazy…But, not too crazy!

Health Update

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Writer’s Note – I’m now caught up!  Finally.  So, once again, I want to thank everyone who continues to stop by and check out my blog. 

February 22, 2016 – We finally had the CT scan to find out if the ablation (see Burn, Baby Burn) procedures did the trick. According to the scan report – they did!  Specifically, the surgeon’s report states “Satisfactory appearance at the right upper lobe microwave ablation site” and “Satisfactory appearance at the left upper lobe microwave ablation site.”  Apparently, both sites have an adequate amount of scar tissue, which is consistent with no new tumor growth.  And that’s great news!

Relaxed

The other part of the scan report was so-so.  I still have at least one measurable tumor in my right lung, and it has grown slightly over the past 6 – 9 months.  My oncologist is not overly concerned about that tumor, but I must remain on Imatinib (Gleevec) for the time being.  That part of the news was okay…not dramatic and somewhat expected.  So, we keep trudging on.  My main health concern is that my cancer does not spread to other part(s) of my body.  We won’t know about that until my PET scan scheduled for July.

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As I mentioned in my last post, I am now “semi-retired,” whatever that means.  For me it means I get to work around the house on those projects that we never have time to get to: clean out closets, organize other closets, throw out old junk, and make lots of trips to Goodwill.  It’s funny.  I feel somewhat more relaxed but anxious at the same time. Since I don’t have to be anywhere, I take my time on errands and tasks that I used to try to complete as quickly as possible.  I also get highly annoyed at minor everyday things, like slow people in the grocery store parking lot.  Yet, I don’t have to be anywhere. There’s no time frame or agenda.  It’s nice…really nice.  And I really don’t miss work at all.  That proves it was time to move on.  To take a step in a new direction in my journey.

I think at some point I’ll write about how looking at my past – through items stored in the attic – has helped me understand who I am now as a person.  It might surprise me to know that I like who I see.

As always, thanks for listening.

Ch-Ch-Changes…

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January 2016 – This blog post was originally titled, “A New Beginning…,” but after the sudden death of rock icon David Bowie on January 10th I decided to change it – literally.  Now my title is “Ch-Ch-Changes” from the Bowie song, Changes.  I think the title speaks exactly to where I am in my journey.  I’m making serious changes in my world and it frightens me.  A lot of uncertainty and much contemplation about the decision I made back in November 2015.  So, as the cliche goes, let me start at the beginning.

After many months or reflection, prayer, planning, and frustration, Vicki and I decided it would make sense for me to go into “early retirement.”  That’s the phrase we used to describe what I was doing regarding my former job and my “career.”  I discussed it with my boss and explained that the constant grind and pressure have completely worn me out.  I truly did not feel like I was giving 100% at work, or anywhere else, and it was wearing on me – big time.  Working part time was not an option either.  My human resources job was just too involved and problems continue to pile up, even when you’re not there.

So, I gave notice – in mid-November – that I would work full-time for about three more weeks and

RIP Ziggy Stardust.

then I would work part-time until my replacement was on board and trained.  At first it was a relief, a very heavy weight had been lifted.  I had made my decision and moved forward.  It wasn’t an easy decision and my co-workers were (and still are) baffled that I left.  Finding a replacement was somewhat difficult and the timing, the end of the calendar and fiscal years, was not the best, but I survived.

A lot of what went into my decision to “semi-retire” had to do with the unknown I faced after having the two (2) ablation procedures in the fall (see Burn, Baby Burn).  Was the process successful?  Are those tumors now gone?  Are there other or new tumors? Are they now growing quickly?  What if the procedures were not successful?  What are the next steps?  Too many questions without any concrete answers.  I needed to clear my head and create some space in my life.  I also had concerns about my immediate family and my dad, who is now all alone.  And, finally, I have some personal goals that I want to achieve, or at least take one last shot.  I don’t want to be at a point where I regret never trying, and, given my health situation, it’s not like I have endless time on my hands.

Now I’m on another leg of my journey…Perhaps I’ll become a “different man.”  And who knows – time may change me.

Thanks, as always, for listening.

Burn, Baby Burn

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for well over nine months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

November 12, 2015 – I came out of the “fog,” again, and tasted the dry spittle in my mouth.  Vicki said hi and how are you feeling.  I vaguely remember saying that I didn’t feel as bad as the last time.  This was my second ablation procedure in three months.  The purpose of these procedures – think out-patient surgeries – was to remove the two large tumors from both my right and left lungs.  I described ablation in my March 2015 post Decisions, Decisions, Decisions:

Ablation essentially means to vaporize or burn something.  In my case, a cancerous tumor.  There are three key types of ablation treatments: radiofrequency, microwave, and laser.  According to the Mayo Clinic’s website, radiofrequency ablation for cancer is a minimally invasive procedure that uses electrical energy and heat to destroy cancer cells.  Basically, they would stick a needle in my lung and “zap” the tumor with heat.

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In early September, I had the tumor in my left lung ablated.  It was in the middle to lower half of the lung and required the doctor to go in through my back.  Unfortunately, you are awake for the first part of the procedure in which a needle is inserted into the tumor site while your strapped down in a CT scanner.  It’s a cumbersome process for the surgeon who has to align and re-align his “mark” using the CT images.  All the while, you – the patient – are required to be still and breathe normally.  Similar to having dental work done, you are stuck several times with deadening medicine, which hurts worse than the procedure.  Think of being jabbed with a sharp needle INSIDE your body.  It’s an absolutely weird (and painful) sensation.

Once the surgeon “marks” the tumor, the ablation process begins.  Fortunately, you – the patient – are given muscle relaxants, then put to sleep.  Apparently, while “out” your breathing stays in a normal rhythm, which allows the doctor to finish burning the tumor.  Since I was lying on my side for the September procedure, I didn’t see what was going on during the time I was awake.  I could feel it, and that was bad enough.

The November procedure, however, was a whole nother level of pain.  First, I had to be injected several times with a local anesthetic.  Several times!  In my chest!  If you want to understand what it feels like, take a straight pin and prick yourself in the forearm.  Now imagine driving that needle through your forearm and stopping about halfway.  That’s about the only way to comprehend what happened just to deaden the procedure area.  Second, the tumor in my right lung is in the far upper half of the lung AND it’s close to the outer lining of that lung.  The surgeon warned me that being close to the lining was going to make it tricky and, potentially, harder to ablate.  That meant I had to be calm and breathe rhythmically.

Post op bruising.  Ouch!

Finally, the location of this tumor dictated that I would be on my back – essentially lying down, face up – with a court-side view of the entire pre-ablation process.  While I have now gotten used to having blood drawn, surgical procedures, scans, etc., I still don’t do well with actually seeing what is happening to me.  At some point I looked down over my chin to see a seven- or eight-inch needle sticking out of my right chest.  I was trying to control my breathing and I coughed, which made the needle jiggle.  Yuck!  That’s just so gross.

The procedure ended – it only takes about 45 minutes – and I was back in my little recuperation area.  It would be another couple of hours before I could go home.  The doctors wanted to make sure my right lung had not collapsed or that there was any internal bleeding.  It will be several months before the scars heal and the scans will show whether or not these procedures were successful.  Let’s hope they are…I’m not sure I want to be a pin cushion, again.

Thanks for listening.