Ken Billett – Writer

Mom’s Not Here Anymore

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Early September 2014 – My mom broke her hip about 2 weeks ago.  As many people, myself included, remarked, “It was a blessing…”  My mom has suffered from dementia (Alzheimer’s) for more than five years – maybe even longer.  She has not known who I am for at least three years.  As many folks already know, Alzheimer’s is a dreadful disease that completely destroys a person’s ability to function.  Prior to this September, I had not seen my mom in person since October 2013.  The change was dramatic and her decline swift and sad.

She’s now in a nursing home.  My dad can’t take care of her at home, even with occasional outside help.  She’s wheelchair bound…strapped in to ensure that she doesn’t fall.  She’s supposed to be “in rehab,” but she won’t allow anyone to touch her.  She can’t feed herself, but can still – at times – hold a glass of her favorite beverage, “Coke Cola,” which is many times Pepsi.  All normal adult functioning has ceased to exist.  Showering, combing her hair, brushing her teeth, and, of course, going to the bathroom cannot be performed without someone else’s aid.

In happier times….
I feel so sorry for my dad.  So, so sorry for him.  I can’t imagine losing the person you love to this awful disease only to be reminded of your sadness every time you enter “the home.”  (Now called a “total care facility.”)  He’s had an incredible amount of stress and strain in his life, and my mom’s “slide” into oblivion is just one more kick in the gut.  My relationship with her has always been strained, and I “lost” her several years ago when she confronted me outside by their pool and demanded to know who I was and why I was staying in their house.  I left the next day for Memphis.

After spending several days at the nursing home with her, I made a pledge to myself that I simply never want to be like that.  It is so sad to see people who are nothing more than “bodies” that are just existing.  Given my current situation, I probably won’t live long enough to worry about my mind deteriorating, but I just can’t help thinking why we keep the elderly – especially those who can no longer function – hanging on as long as we do?

Anyway….thanks for listening.  

Learning to Fly

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Late August 2014 – As we end summer and the month of August, Vicki and I find ourselves in a whole new world…the world of “Empty Nesters.” I commented on this on Facebook not long ago.  Zach graduated high school in May and went off to Georgia Tech in mid-August.  Now, with Labor Day fast approaching, Emily will return to Maryland as a junior.  We will have no children at home for the first time in 20 years!

Last time we were all together…

So the question becomes:  What do we do with ourselves?  We have spent the better part of two decades tending to the daily needs of our kids, even as they have grown up and become more independent.  Even in high school, we were part of their daily routine, and the kids were part of our routines and rituals as well.  So many years of worrying about coordinating schedules, car rides, after-school activities, and waiting up late for someone to come home.  (“Don’t forget your key!” became a weekend mantra.)


I’ve heard from other “Empty Nesters” that it IS a big adjustment, at first, but like any other change, you get used to it.  I’m sure it will be quite an adjustment…the house will be even more quiet than it is now.  Priorities will certainly change.  We’ll have something known as “freedom,” though I’m not sure we’ll know how to handle it at first.  Maybe we’ll both take up a new hobby…like ballroom dancing!  That’s it…we can be like the couples you see in those drug company ads on television – middle-aged adults leading happy, fulfilling lives all because of a little white (or purple) pill.  I can’t wait!

Or maybe we’ll be just like we always have been…taking care of business both at home and at the office, running our errands, cleaning house, working in the yard, and paying bills.  In other words, continuing to live our lives like we always have.  Heck, you can’t spend all of your time on the dance floor, or on a Viking Cruise ship, or re-tiling the bathroom (with the Home Depots’ help, of course), or lounging around in one of those bathtubs with nothing on but your birthday suit.  (How DO they get those bathtubs outside?)

As parents we spend so much time preparing our kids to “learn how to fly,” then pushing them out of the nest, that we forget what it’s like to be independent ourselves.  What it’s like to be FREE!!!!

Certainly more to come on this front.


The Dog Days of Summer

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Mid-August 2014 –  Summer has been in full swing for a couple of months now, but August has been a “gross” month for me and most everyone in the MidSouth.  As the saying here in the South goes, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity!” And how very true it is.  Since I was initially diagnosed with melanoma, summer has been an awkward time time of the year for me.  I love being outdoors.  I love doing things on and around the water.  Frankly, I love getting hot and sweaty (as long as I’m not all dressed up)!  For obvious reasons, I have to be very careful about future sun exposure and take as many precautions as possible.

The Dog Days Indeed!

Now, with the medication I’m on, summer has become a real drag.  My cancer drug, Imatinib, has several side effects associated with the sun and summer: sun exposure, skin blotches, heat sensitivity, and plain old tiredness.  Unfortunately, I suffer from all of these side effects.  So, I stay inside during the hottest part of the day, constantly wear hats, put on ounces of sunscreen, and do yard work either very early in the day or sometime after 5 PM.

Even with trying to stay out of the “heat of the day,” I still get very tired, very quickly.  I guess not being able to “play in the sun” is a small price to pay for still being on this planet.  I know my “shadow” wishes we could stay outside more often.  Even Nixie, however, gets tired during these long summer days.  I guess we both should be living way up North.

The journey continues…..

Doctor Jack

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

August 15, 2014 – Dr. Jack Shannon: a neighbor, fellow church member, and one of Vicki’s original bank branch customers.  I talked with Doctor Shannon a couple of times over the summer.  Told him that I’d come visit when he felt up to it.  He and I went to the same cancer clinic.  We had heard that his health was in quick decline, and he passed away while we were moving Zach into school.  We missed the visitation and Jack’s funeral.  Sometimes these situations just touch me – sadden me – and make me feel “lost” in my continuing journey.  Jack Shannon was just a nice guy.  His death was a real shame. The following is his obituary.

# # # 

Dr. Jack Canada Shannon, 66, retired Memphis dentist, went to be with the Lord, August 15, 2014 after a long battle with cancer. He is survived by Judye, his loving wife of 43 years, and his cherished children, Kelly Sawyer (Bob) and Stephen Shannon (Leslee). He was “G-Daddy” to his five grandchildren—Mary Margaret, Caroline, and Sarah Sawyer, and Anne and Jack Shannon. He is also survived by his brother Robert Shannon (Libby) and nephews, Stewart Shannon (Katherine) and Martin Shannon (Brooke). He was born April 22, 1948 in Cape Girardeau, MO but lived in Memphis most of his life. He was an Eagle Scout and won the Harvey S. Firestone Award Competition for most outstanding scout in the Chickasaw Council. He graduated from Central High School where he played sports and was a member of the National Honor Society. He graduated from University of Memphis magna cum laude and was president of ODK National Leadership Honor Society. He graduated from UT Dental School in 1973 where he was awarded the Faculty Award for highest academic average and the Marion L. Fuller Award for the best clinical prowess. He was a member of MDS, TDA, ADA and AGD. He was also a member of the Memphis Dental Study Club for over 35 years. He enjoyed coaching kids in soccer, basketball, and baseball. He even coached the MUS baseball team and helped start a resurgence there. A lifelong outdoorsman, he loved to hunt, fish, and backpack. He was a member of the Mill Lake Hunting Club and Ducks Unlimited. He was a weekend leader and Chairman of the Board of both Emmaus and Kairos Prison Ministry. He was also active in Chrysalis. He attended Christ United Methodist Church. In 1998 he established the Men’s Ministry and was chairman for several years. He was instrumental in establishing the Power Hour lunch, relationship with East High School football team, and Champions of Christ Breakfast. He was also chairman of the food service committee. He headed the committee to finish and furnish the Refuge. He raised the money to renovate Reeves Chapel. He was affectionately called “Hot Dog Man” for orchestrating the cooking of hot dogs for the Easter egg hunts. He was a member of the Lamplighters Sunday School class and served as president. In 2009 he was awarded the Outstanding Missional Service Award (formerly called Unsung Hero Award). He was a Trustee and on the Administrative Board. Visitation will be Friday, August 22 from 9AM to 11AM at Christ United Methodist Church, 4488 Poplar Avenue, Memphis, and immediately followed by a service at 11AM. The burial will be private. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that memorials be sent to the Memphis Emmaus Community, P.O. Box 240414, Memphis, TN 38124 or Christ United Methodist Church.

Published in The Commercial Appeal on Aug. 20, 2014

Note:  Hopefully I have not violated any major copyright laws.  If I have, I sincerely apologize.

Rockin’ Robin

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

August 11, 2014 – Robins Williams died today.  He committed suicide, as everyone now knows.  A truly sad situation for Robin and his family.  The death of Robin Williams resonated with me for two reasons:

First, in my 30s I dealt with severe depression.  I believe I had been suffering from depression most of my early adult life. It’s not something that many of my friends, work acquaintances, or even family members know much about.  I underwent treatment for several years (again, in my 30s) and took anti-depressants for a couple of years.  Once I hit my 40s, I seemed to get a handle on my moods and actually “self-treated” my anxiety and depression through positive affirmation, prayer, and exercise.

Depression is a tragic disease that can consume one’s soul with the absurd notion that nothing in life is worth living for. I became depressed even after the birth of my children.  Crazy, now, to think I had nothing to give them.  That notion of having no worth, however, can quickly re-enter the mind of someone with depression – even if they haven’t “been depressed” for years.  I kind of think of it like alcoholism.  Once an alcoholic accepts his situation, then he can begin to recover.  He knows he can never go back to tempt fate and just have “one beer.”  Likewise, a depressed person has to be vigilant that the “notion” – as I call it – never becomes more than an occasional whisper when life is not going well.

Regardless of external circumstances or the balance of chemicals in our brains, people who are predisposed to depression, as I believe I am, can never tempt fate.  I can’t let the “notion” run my world.

Second reason that Robin’s death touched me is the thought that being better off dead than alive has been in the back of my mind for several years, ever since I was diagnosed with the large melanoma on my back in 2011.  I now realize – following my surgery – that I should have stayed home for the rest of the school year.  I was in no shape physically or emotionally to teach in the environment I was in at that time.

When we found out that the melanoma had metastasized in July 2013, the same haunting notion of not wanting to live any longer came back in force.  I was scared – even though I had to be strong for everyone else – and my life was completely turned upside down.  It felt as though I was living in a horrible dream.  It took all of the support and fortitude I could muster to tell myself that I was going to continue living.  My children needed to see that.  Vicki needed to know that, too.  (She’s the only one that I’ve confided in with my true feelings.  She know firsthand how precarious my emotional state can be.)

Although I know what I want to do and where I hope to be in five or ten years, I still get that “notion” stuck in the back of my mind.  This summer has been extremely difficult, even though I should shout for joy that I am still alive more than a year after my diagnosis.  Do I feel guilty?  Like survivor’s guilt?  Sometimes.  Sometimes I’m just plain angry.  Pissed at the world.  Pissed at God.  All of this anxiety, all of this expense.  New career with no discernible path.  Is this really worth it?  I don’t want to be a burden to my family – both emotionally and financially – so it’s understandable that someone – Robin Williams – or me could make that decision to stop living.

The way he should be remembered..with a smile.
Finally, I’m amazed and saddened by the callousness of people regarding Williams’ death.  I think we’ve become a society of assholes who think we can judge another’s situation.  We believe we’re entitled to provide our two cents about any situation that shows up on the Internet.  As though anyone really cares.  What ever happened to compassion?  We found out later that Williams was facing either Parkinson’s or a rare form of dementia.  He decided he did not want to face his disease(s).  Given my situation I might not agree with what Williams did, but that was his decision.  Who am I to judge?

Society needs to get a clue……Depression IS real and it can be tragic.

A Day That Will Live in Infamy?

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Also, please make sure you leave your name or sign-in somewhere in your comment.  Thanks.

Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

July 24, 2014 – An anniversary day of sorts for me.  Happy?  Probably, given my current existence on this planet.  The date, however, holds a mixture of emotions for me.  It came and went without much fanfare in my world – and in the world of others.  July 24th?  What’s special about that day?  It’s J-Lo’s birthday.  She’s now 45 years old.  Amelia Earhart was born on this day.  Former Utah Jazz great and NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone was born on July 24th, too.  In fact, like Jennifer Lopez, another “pinup girl” from an earlier generation Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman!) was born on this day.

So July 24, 2014 came and went without much hoopla.  According to one source, that was the day the an Air Algerie flight crashed in Mali, killing 116 people.  Sad, very sad.  Otherwise, for me, it was just another day.  I worked, came home, had dinner with Vicki and the kids, and went to bed.  I’m not even sure that I remembered the significance of this day.

Was it that instant coffee was invented in 1938 on July 24th?  I cannot stand instant coffee: one of the staples of my parents’ morning routine.  Yuck!  Or, maybe it’s that Bob Dylan released “Like a Rolling Stone” on this day in 1965?  That’s it!  Has to be…And like that stone, time continues to go round and round.  Perhaps that’s where I’m going with this post.  Time moves forward; time marches on; you can never truly save time; minute-by-minute, day-by-day, time never stops.  In fact, time (and tide) wait for no man – apparently an old German proverb attributed to many famous authors.

For me, it’s good that time has not waited on me.  It continues to move forward…accumulating days, weeks, months, and – hopefully – years.  In my condition, I want time to march on; I want to get as much of it as I can.  Not that I’m completely greedy.  I want my time spent with those I love and dearly care about.  Those who mean the most to me and me to them.

I want to gather as much moss as possible!



Time has lessened the hurt and anguish of July 24th.  Time has made living a life that is filled with wonder and the mundane a great thing.  In fact, most of 2014 has been mundane, hence one of the reasons that my writing has tapered off.  As the saying goes, “no news is good news.”  Perhaps that’s true.  Although for me, no news means just waiting for the next turn (or bump) in my journey.  It’s always there…that’s something that I’ve got to continue to accept.

July 24th….the day – one year ago – my oncologist walked into the exam room to tell us that they had found several tiny lesions in my right lung.  The day I was told that if I did nothing to treat my cancer that I would die in 9 to 12 months.  I still hear Vicki’s gasp in my head and the look of terror on her face.

That was one year ago (2013).  I’m still here…still plugging 
along.  As always, my hope is that in 2015 I’ll still be here.

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Ken Billett – Grumpy Bear Writing © 2021