Ken Billett – Writer

It’s a Mads, Mads World

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

September 28, 2014 – I decided to “visit” a friend today via Facebook.  I had not communicated with this Internet friend in almost three months and felt a bit guilty about it.  (As I stated in several earlier posts, this past summer was a bit of a bear for me both physically and emotionally.)  My guilt instantly skyrocketed upon seeing his FB wall.  Mads was dead.  He died at the end of June when he lost his battle with melanoma.

I never met Mads, who was originally from Denmark, but we “connected” through one of several Facebook and Internet groups of melanoma patients (and survivors).  That relationship began in October 2013, shortly after I began my treatment for metastatic melanoma.  We would “chat” through the groups or on message boards, and, eventually, became Facebook “friends.”  At that time, Mads was living in Houston and being treated at MD Anderson.  Unfortunately, his prognosis was not as good as mine, which, at times, became evident in his questions about treatment regimens and life expectancy.

Goodbye to my friend…

It’s a positive part of today’s Internet “world” that complete strangers, in different parts of the country, with nothing else in common but an incurable disease, can connect and feel empathy for one another with a couple of key strokes. While that may seem like a blessing to those who are not able to get-around and meet others, it also – in my mind – creates a dilemma for folks like me who value the human element of life.  I want to be able to interact with others.  To sit, to talk, to laugh or cry.  Even talking over the phone is more intimate than “chatting” online.  I hope we don’t someday find ourselves having “virtual” funerals because no one knows how to interact face-to-face.

As time marched on, I got lazy and preoccupied with my own world and all the day-to-day nonsense that clogs up our days, weeks, and months.  It’s one of the saddest aspects of life that we never truly “stop to smell the roses.”  So, I was not even aware that Mads had died or that his close friends and family continued to maintain his Facebook page.  I was sad.  It’s such a shame that someone so relatively young has passed away too soon.

Which brings me to another dilemma I face every time I’m on the Internet – How much do I really want to know?  Yes, I’m part of several melanoma “groups.”  Yes, I get email and FB alerts about my disease on a daily basis.  But how much time and emotional energy do I want to spend on knowing the sadness that occurs when another “melanoma warrior” has lost his battle?  Frankly, I sometimes just want to bury my head in the sand and say, “Enough!”

I think I feel a bit of survivor’s guilt, knowing that my treatment regimen has given me an opportunity to live for (hopefully) many more years.  The folks I read about in our groups have not much hope or time to continue being in this world.  And that’s just sad…very, very sad.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for…but I’m just not very happy right now.

I just found out I lost another friend……..and it sucks!

I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck…

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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Late September 2014 – Family Weekend at Georgia Tech was terrific!  Vicki and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, plus we got to see our “baby boy” after he has been in college for just a few weeks.  I’ve already seen a transformation of Zach from this summer to now.  He seems much more confident and content, and we both think he has made a great choice of schools.

I’ve talked before of my love – like many of you – of college campuses.  There’s just something about the  feel of being on campus, the vibe given off by the students, and the evolution of large universities from faceless institutions to something akin to that popular corner of a small town.  “Intimate” is the word I’m thinking works quite well.  Colleges now have shopping, dining, entertainment, technology, and exercise right there on campus.  Or, in GaTech’s case, adjacent to campus.  It’s amazing to be both on Tech’s campus and to be milling around Tech Square – right across I-85 – enjoying the sights of downtown Atlanta.

On our way to see the Techsters play!
Given the ups and downs of the past several weeks, visiting Zach and enjoying a “football weekend” on campus was our vacation for this year.  My hope is to be back next year to “feel” that collegiate world.

Go Yellow Jackets!

The Grass is Not Always Greener

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Also, please make sure you leave your name or sign-in somewhere in your comment.  Thanks.

Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

September 2014 – We return from moving Emily back to college.  It’s hot, I’m tired, and it’s been a very long weekend.  (Plus, I have to go to work in the morning!)  As we pull into the driveway, the first thing I notice is that my almost new grass sod has been given a “buzz cut” by the neighbors.  Needless to say, I was pissed…very pissed.  I threw a plastic lawn chair across the driveway and cussed for about twenty minutes straight.  Yet, I was told in no uncertain terms to “get over it.”  I’ll let you figure out who gave me that feedback.

What have they done?!
It’s not that the grass was “shaved” after I told my neighbors numerous times to let me cut that patch of yard that we share.  It’s not that I spent a lot of time (and money) putting down brand new sod.  It’s that I nurtured that new grass.  Took care of it.  Watered it relentlessly.  Watched it grow and mature…become healthy. Healthy…happy – if grass can be “happy.”  Right now, I’m sensitive to the thought of living things that might die from neglect.  It makes me angry!

Anger….frustration…that’s what I feel right now.  Everything pisses me off.  Little things, big things.  Home things, work things.  Kid things and parent things.  Everything makes me mad.  But I don’t know why… I should be happy, I 
suppose, but I’m not.  I think I’m feeling a combination of uncertainty and stress about my world and those around me:  my mom’s rapidly declining health, my dad’s emotional state, my sister’s never-ending inertia about life, my sister-in-law’s frustration with work, etc., both our kids going off to college, and, oh I don’t know, maybe having a terminal disease.  I know I’ve shared this sentiment with others, before, but being an adult sucks!

No wonder I feel no joy in my life.  I try to be positive, I try to put on a “happy face,” especially for Vicki.  But life just sucks right now.  I hope I can find some peace…and some hope.  I’ve asked for it a few times.  I’m never quite certain that He’s listening.  I guess we’ll just have to see.

The journey continues……..

Epilogue:  My grass did “come back” with lots of TLC and water.  I was also fortunate that we had several days of rain, cloudy skies, and somewhat mild temps.  Maybe that was how my prayers were answered.  Didn’t see much of the neighbors for a couple of weeks.  Guess that was an answer to my prayers as well.

Mom’s Not Here Anymore

Note:  If you want to leave a comment, just choose “Anonymous” from the Profile Selection drop down bar right below the Comment box. (It’s the very last choice.)  Sorry for any confusion.


Also, please make sure you leave your name or sign-in somewhere in your comment.  Thanks.

Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Early September 2014 – My mom broke her hip about 2 weeks ago.  As many people, myself included, remarked, “It was a blessing…”  My mom has suffered from dementia (Alzheimer’s) for more than five years – maybe even longer.  She has not known who I am for at least three years.  As many folks already know, Alzheimer’s is a dreadful disease that completely destroys a person’s ability to function.  Prior to this September, I had not seen my mom in person since October 2013.  The change was dramatic and her decline swift and sad.

She’s now in a nursing home.  My dad can’t take care of her at home, even with occasional outside help.  She’s wheelchair bound…strapped in to ensure that she doesn’t fall.  She’s supposed to be “in rehab,” but she won’t allow anyone to touch her.  She can’t feed herself, but can still – at times – hold a glass of her favorite beverage, “Coke Cola,” which is many times Pepsi.  All normal adult functioning has ceased to exist.  Showering, combing her hair, brushing her teeth, and, of course, going to the bathroom cannot be performed without someone else’s aid.

In happier times….
I feel so sorry for my dad.  So, so sorry for him.  I can’t imagine losing the person you love to this awful disease only to be reminded of your sadness every time you enter “the home.”  (Now called a “total care facility.”)  He’s had an incredible amount of stress and strain in his life, and my mom’s “slide” into oblivion is just one more kick in the gut.  My relationship with her has always been strained, and I “lost” her several years ago when she confronted me outside by their pool and demanded to know who I was and why I was staying in their house.  I left the next day for Memphis.

After spending several days at the nursing home with her, I made a pledge to myself that I simply never want to be like that.  It is so sad to see people who are nothing more than “bodies” that are just existing.  Given my current situation, I probably won’t live long enough to worry about my mind deteriorating, but I just can’t help thinking why we keep the elderly – especially those who can no longer function – hanging on as long as we do?

Anyway….thanks for listening.  

Learning to Fly

Note:  If you want to leave a comment, just choose “Anonymous” from the Profile Selection drop down bar right below the Comment box. (It’s the very last choice.)  Sorry for any confusion.


Also, please make sure you leave your name or sign-in somewhere in your comment.  Thanks.

Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for about three months.  So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog.  This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.

Late August 2014 – As we end summer and the month of August, Vicki and I find ourselves in a whole new world…the world of “Empty Nesters.” I commented on this on Facebook not long ago.  Zach graduated high school in May and went off to Georgia Tech in mid-August.  Now, with Labor Day fast approaching, Emily will return to Maryland as a junior.  We will have no children at home for the first time in 20 years!

Last time we were all together…

So the question becomes:  What do we do with ourselves?  We have spent the better part of two decades tending to the daily needs of our kids, even as they have grown up and become more independent.  Even in high school, we were part of their daily routine, and the kids were part of our routines and rituals as well.  So many years of worrying about coordinating schedules, car rides, after-school activities, and waiting up late for someone to come home.  (“Don’t forget your key!” became a weekend mantra.)


I’ve heard from other “Empty Nesters” that it IS a big adjustment, at first, but like any other change, you get used to it.  I’m sure it will be quite an adjustment…the house will be even more quiet than it is now.  Priorities will certainly change.  We’ll have something known as “freedom,” though I’m not sure we’ll know how to handle it at first.  Maybe we’ll both take up a new hobby…like ballroom dancing!  That’s it…we can be like the couples you see in those drug company ads on television – middle-aged adults leading happy, fulfilling lives all because of a little white (or purple) pill.  I can’t wait!

Or maybe we’ll be just like we always have been…taking care of business both at home and at the office, running our errands, cleaning house, working in the yard, and paying bills.  In other words, continuing to live our lives like we always have.  Heck, you can’t spend all of your time on the dance floor, or on a Viking Cruise ship, or re-tiling the bathroom (with the Home Depots’ help, of course), or lounging around in one of those bathtubs with nothing on but your birthday suit.  (How DO they get those bathtubs outside?)

As parents we spend so much time preparing our kids to “learn how to fly,” then pushing them out of the nest, that we forget what it’s like to be independent ourselves.  What it’s like to be FREE!!!!

Certainly more to come on this front.


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Ken Billett – Grumpy Bear Writing © 2021