With Friends Like These….

Not realistic…even for millennials.

November 7, 2018 – This past Saturday (November 3) I learned a sad but valuable lesson on friendship. Like most people, I’ve always desired good – and even close – friendships with others. I’ve never been a “popular guy” (based on someone else’s definition of popular), but I typically make acquaintances easily, and – in most social settings – I tend to be a go along to get along type person. At the same time, however, I’m very independent-minded and I prefer solitude to crowds. This contradiction – easy-going and somewhat likable versus independent, loner – inevitably causes strain in my relationships with others.

I’m also a sort of shy and sensitive person who reacts – Vicki would say “over-reacts” – to verbal and physical cues. I typically think that others are immediately judging me – especially when I meet someone for the first time. So I tend to almost always have my guard up which makes others think that I’m stand-offish or snobby.

It’s also hard for me to brush things off. A slight or an innocent faux pas festers inside my head until I feel the need to lash out or “get back” at someone. It wears on me and Vicki. Hence, I wasn’t sure I wanted to finish this post once I started it. (I didn’t complete it until the end of December.) But I decided I needed to share a piece of myself.

As we grow older, it seems our circle of friends gets smaller and smaller. That smaller circle is a normal result of life’s changes: death, divorce, moving away, and growing apart. All of these factors contribute to an ever shrinking circle. And, frankly, that’s sad.

For me, that circle has narrowed substantially in the last ten years. In fact, I may now be in the low single digits. Saturday’s episode (Nov. 3) certainly contributed to the loss of another friend. It was all over something stupid, but men, being men, have a hard time letting things go. Honestly, I’m not really sure why I let a stupid comment about pessimism get to me. But when someone says that you “suck” as a human – and you thought of this person as a friend – it’s real difficult to forgive.

Context note – Remember, if anyone has a reason to be pessimistic or negative about life, I think I have. Likewise, I’ve got a lot to be thankful for, too.

Initially, I was going to share other examples of friends who have essentially abandoned Vicki and me. But I now realize that we all have endured the pain of broken trust (and friendship). It’s all part of life and part of being a grown-up.

And, yes, it still hurts.

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Happy Anniversary, Vicki!

Oh, so young!

October 21, 2018 – Happy Anniversary to my beautiful wife, Vicki! She is my heart and soul. She is my best friend and partner in crime. She is everything to me, and – I hope – I’m everything to her. Without Vicki, there would be no melanoma journey. She is my strength and my resilience. I cannot begin to put into words the love I feel for her. In fact, I’d say words couldn’t describe our love. It just is.

So, twenty-nine years later, we celebrated our anniversary with a quick out-of-town trip to Florence, Alabama. (Which I documented on Facebook.) Then Sunday night – October 21st – we had a low-key day with a delicious dinner out that evening.

I’m fortunate not only to have a wonderful spouse but to be able to continue to celebrate anniversaries (along with birthdays and holidays) with her and our family.

I love you!

Note: This wedding picture is one of our favorites. It sits in the front entryway of our home. It was kind of an impromptu pic and turned out so well. I still can’t believe how young we both looked in our twenties.

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Another Word About Melanoma

October 1, 2018 – Today I completed an online course through the Melanoma Research Foundation (MRF) to become a Certified Melanoma Educator. Completion of this course allows me to counsel melanoma patients and educate the public about this deadly disease. The Melanoma Research Foundation is the organization that I raise money for each year in August for the Miles For Melanoma 5K here in Memphis. (See I Am Not Alone.)

The MRF is one of three (3) organizations that I am involved with – along with online support groups on Facebook. The other two organizations are: AIM at Melanoma and The Skin Cancer Foundation. While each group has a different mission, they all share the same ultimate goal – finding a cure for melanoma and all skin cancers.

As I reviewed the online material for my certification course, I came upon a piece of information that completely “hit home” in terms of my melanoma journey and the confusion my condition sometimes causes. Here’s a section from the MRF website:

It is important to note that regardless of where melanoma spreads, or metastasizes, it is still considered melanoma. For example, if melanoma spreads to the lung, it is not considered lung cancer. Instead, it should be referred to as metastatic melanoma or melanoma that has spread to the lung.

Just last month I ran into a former teaching colleague whom I had not seen in ten (10) years. When I said I have cancer, I swear I think her reaction was not simply disbelief but skepticism. It makes me think I should carry cards with my oncologist’s phone number and/or email address. Oh, well.

Thanks for listening, as always.

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