The Song Remains the Same

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December 4th – After another eight (8) weeks of treatment, I had a CT scan this afternoon.  The results were good: the remaining tumors in my right lung are still very tiny, almost too small to recognize any discernible changes from the previous scan on October 9th.  My oncologist said that, for now, I will remain on Gleevec, and in a few months we’ll do another scan to see how I’m doing.
If the tumors remain in-place then it may be necessary for me to have a procedure – similar to my needle biopsy – to remove them.  But that is still well off into the immediate future.  There will be several consults and scans before any decision is made.
So, why am I not very excited by this news?  Why do I feel a sense of melancholy in a prognosis that is mostly positive?  Why did I feel as though there was more to learn from today’s analysis?  Was I hoping and praying – maybe naively – that my cancer would just “go away.”
Perhaps it was the other part of my doc’s discussion with Vicki and me.  The realization, once again, that I have a disease that may never completely go away.  Or it may lie dormant for years, then rear its ugly head when I least expect it.  He discussed the positives of the current drug: it’s keeping any additional tumors from creeping up in other areas of my body.  My cancer, however, may have other mutated versions that might not, or will not, respond to the current treatment.  Meaning we would start all over, again.  That was one of the negatives we discussed.
Too many unknowns…not a place I like to be in.  Yet, three months ago, I wanted to be able to live long enough to see my son, Zach, graduate from high school…to, perhaps, see both of my children graduate from college…Just another 10 years I asked God on more than one occasion.  All I wanted was some more time…something all of us – me especially – take for granted.  (And I still do!)  As I said, I should be happy, but I feel a bit melancholy, right now.
So, the song remains the same…maybe it will change with the new year.
Thanks for listening.
Hear my song.  People won’t you listen now?


  1. beth g sanders

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. beth g sanders

    Ken, you remain in our thoughts and prayers!

  3. Anonymous


    You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Your situation is just right for a miracle. God is a healer!

    Be encouraged,


  4. Unknown

    You are exactly where you need to be and saying what people who know you need to hear. You are an inspiration and touch many people. Do not forget that. You won't be given too much for you to handle. Peace my friend.


  5. Ken Billett

    Thanks Beth. Please tell our friends in the Messengers Class "thanks" for all of their prayers, too. Ken

  6. Ken Billett

    Dee, thanks so much for your kind words. Miracles come when we least expect them. Have a wonderful holiday. Ken

  7. Ken Billett

    Brad, thanks so much for your kind words. The folks I read about every day who battle so many different "giants" – think David and Goliath – are my inspiration. Thanks, again. Have a wonderful holiday, and I hope all is well in Austin.

  8. scott terle

    Ken, I feel your pain. It is great that things are better and I do understand that chronic issues never go away – you just have a mystery box and pull a new card every day.

    I know one can never be satisfied with good news when there is always the unknown. Enjoy everyday!


  9. Ken Billett

    Scott, thanks. Again, it was great seeing you here in Memphis, and we need to make it a regular event. Congrats to Remy! I saw your link to the CA website. Enjoying every day will continue to be a priority for me in the new year. Take care – Ken