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June 19, 2014 As I’ve mentioned over the past two or three posts, I had a full-body PET scan yesterday. Late this afternoon, we met with my oncologist. Everything continues to stay the same. In other words, my cancer is still confined to my right lung, and the remaining two tumors are so small that they are hardly detectable. That is – as Vicki said to me – terrific news!
Yet, I’m still ambivalent about these latest results. Why? Probably because I was hoping to (a) find out that my cancer was completely gone or (b) that I could begin to ratchet-down the medicine I’m currently taking to control my cancer (Imatinib). Any drug that is essentially an “oral” version of chemo cannot, over time, be good for your body. I’m hoping and praying that eventually I will be cancer-free (but, not really “cured”) and able to get my life back.
Control may be the key word here. As I said above, the drug is controlling my cancer, and the cancer is somewhat controlling my life. That’s a vicious cycle, and it needs to be broken. Perhaps that is why I have been unable to write much over the past month, and why I really did not care – ambivalent – to announce this latest and greatest news.
We’ll see where the journey now leads. It’d be nice to know that others realize that the turmoil is as much in my head as it is in my lung. I need to take back control of my world…the end of May and much of June were just not fun for me personally or professionally. I need to find a balance in my life.
As always, the journey continues…..