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Writer’s Note – I’ve been on an extended hiatus for over three months. So, I first want to say “Thank You” to all of you who continue to stop by and check out my blog. This blog and several to follow have been accumulating in my head for quite a while.
Unfortunately, not everything was the same. I had checked in with my internist on an unrelated medical matter and he had copies of some of the latest write-ups. What I found out was that there was another tiny tumor in my left lung. My LEFT lung! Not my right, which still has a couple of small tumors, but my left. What is going on?! I was not happy, to say the least, and my internist explained that both reports sound positive: very small, slow-growing tumors.
Here’s what the report said – There is also a stable 3 mm nodule in the left upper lobe. However, when compared to December 2013, the right lower lobe nodule is much smaller in (and?) the bilateral upper lobe nodules have both minimally increased. No new consolidation or effusion is seen. There is no adenopathy or suspicious osseous lesion.
My oncologist didn’t really have an explanation for why he failed to tell us about my left lung, or why he was not clearer in his discussions with us about what was going on in my lungs. I think one of the things I’ve noticed about my doctor and, perhaps, other cancer doctors is that they have to give so much bad news, or they have to deal with “here’s our last treatment option” that a situation like mine is almost too pedestrian for them, so they forget to bring some of the same intensity and focus as though this is “my last shot.”
While I can’t really blame him for seemingly “glossing over” what I consider a major change in my condition, I am still really pissed about it. It makes me, once again, think that I need to spend every waking moment that I’m not at work or doing chores around the house studying my disease and all the potential options that are our there. In other words, I need to “own” my cancer and its treatment. Then, again, all that energy focused on my condition depresses me.
So, that’s my conundrum….and, unfortunately, it’s not an easy puzzle to solve.
|Happy Anniversary to my one and only!
Vicki and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, ironically, the day after my most recent scan. I wish we could have done more to celebrate this milestone, but it was not to be. For that, I feel truly sad inside. She has sacrificed so much for me that I cannot begin to express in words how much I love her. I know she would agree that the best anniversary gift I could give her is another 25 years.